Mystery revealed...

Some of you have asked where I am and have some theories that I have been kidnapped. The truth about the situation is that World of Warcraft has eaten all of my free-time alive. It has become like heroine. I love that game so much. After a year and some months of resisting its hold as everyone peer-pressured me to play, I gave in and have been a WoW addict since. My character is a hot Night Elf named Nesh. She and her companion Ghost, a white wolf, have been traveling the world exploring and helping all those they can. As soon as I started up, I was also taken into a guild called Sere Vala which had been created by all of my friends and has been running for a year now. I attended an awesome in-game guild party last Sunday where there was much drinking and fun. Once everyone had taken the group screenshot, we all headed horde side and created the new horde guild called Cowshire Management Inc.

So that is it. Kind of disappointing and pathetic, isn't it? Ah, well.

Turkey Day...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

2.1...

Ashitaka and Kairi sat on top of the volcano for quite awhile, both of them not saying anything. Kairi knew that Ashitaka needed some time and space to collect himself, and she had given it to him. Besides, she had gotten to take in the whole view of Dragon City for as long as she wanted. She was able to see the sun go down on all the unfinished towers struggling to touch the sky. Bathed in the pinks and oranges of the dusk, the city looked like an unfinished clay sculpture waiting to be shaped once again. If finished, Kairi knew that the next Dragon City would be far greater than the original. But for now, it seemed content with being half of what it had once been.

After the final sliver of sun crept behind the ocean, the two Samurai were walking again. Their destination was the far side of the island where the harbor lay. Kairi kept quiet. She knew that her Sensei was reflecting on past events and that he needed silence to concentrate.

Kairi was startled when Ashitaka broke the two-hour long silence, "Kairi, what is it that you hope to gain from training at my dojo?"

"A better understanding of my ancestors and the ability to walk in their footsteps. Also, a better understanding of myself and what I'm capable of," the Samurai of the Owl said truthfully.

"Is that all?" asked Ashitaka.

"Well, to be honest, no Sensei. I also wanted a better understanding of you," said Kairi meekly. "I wanted to meet the man behind the legend."

"Legend?"

"Sensei, you have accomplished more in a couple of years than most in a lifetime. I could only hope to—" Kairi stopped mid-sentence. The cold steel against her neck had stolen her attention.

"Kairi?" said Ashitaka. He had been walking ahead of her and couldn't tell if something was wrong or if she was too afraid to finish her sentence. He slowly turned around to find a masked girl holding a knife to his companion's neck.

Ashitaka guessed the girl was in her teens. He could tell she had great strength despite her tiny body. Only the bottom portion of her head was covered, leaving the rest exposed. Long golden hair was tied in a tight pony-tail at the top of her head and her blue eyes fixated on The Samurai of the Wolf. Looking deep into her eyes, Ashitaka recognized this girl was no killer. Her breathing was very rapid. Adrenaline. She will make a lot of mistakes if given the chance, she isn't controlling her body, he thought to himself.

"Put down your swords Samurai scum!" called the girl over Kairi's shoulder.

In response, Ashitaka stood completely still.

"I am not messing around! I WILL kill her!" exclaimed the girl in desperation.

"And then you will have this woman's blood on your hands. You are too young for that. You have a lot ahead of you," Ashitaka said plainly.

The girl narrowed her eyes at the Samurai, "I have nothing ahead of me. You have taken it all. Vengeance or death are the things I look forward to." At that, the girl began a series of back hand springs away from Kairi that ended in a thirty-foot leap into the air.

Ashitaka placed his hand on the hilt of his katana as he watched the girl sail backwards in the sky. What is she doing with her hands? he wondered. As the Samurai took the time to look, he noticed the girl making specific gestures in a pattern. She's casting a spell! Kairi! Ashitaka thought. He glanced back down where his student was staggering back and forth, eyes half open. What the...? Kairi's heavy Naginata clattered to the ground as she fell to her hands and knees. It was then that Ashitaka saw the needle sticking out the back of Kairi's neck.

Suddenly, a flash washed out over the immediate area with a loud crack. The Samurai looked back up to find a colossal silhouette bearing down on him, blocking the moonlight as it fell. Quickly, he did his own backwards leap high into the air, trying to escape the explosion of rock and dirt as the monster smashed into the ground. As he landed safely, Ashitaka looked up to the monster standing before him. The pale moonlight trickled over the scales of the thirty-foot tall tyrannosaurus rex. Snapping its head back, the dinosaur released a deafening roar.

Ashitaka freed his Katana and wakasahi from their sheaths and began taking note of his surroundings. On either side of the road, rocky hills rose up about twenty feet. He couldn't see Kari. She had been where the tyrannosaurus had landed which, Ashitaka figured, couldn't mean anything good. Kairi's safety is the priority here, Ashitaka decided.

At that moment, the gigantic lizard lunged forward with an immense bite that surely would have broken the Samurai in half had he been there. Instead, Ashitaka had side-stepped and sprinted underneath the large body. In his vain attack, Rex had moved forward, freeing himself from the crater he had created, giving Ashitaka the opportunity to get to Kairi. The dinosaur quickly stood back up, and wheeled, facing its prey once again.

Thinking it could catch Ashitaka, the tyrannosaurus raised its giant left foot and smashed it into the ground, creating another explosion of earth. Like lightning, the Samurai bolted out of the dust and debris to the dinosaur's right leg sinking his swords to their hilts in the tyrannosaurus' calf. Rex let out a rabid roar to the heavens as Ashitaka sprinted to find Kairi. She was sprawled out at the bottom of the crater where the Dinosaur had landed, bleeding from her mouth. The Wolf Samurai slid down into the crater and picked up the broken body.

2...

"What is it that you believe in Master?" Kairi asked bluntly as they were hiking the steep obsidian slope.

"Kairi, like I have asked you before, please don't call me master. I am a master of nothing. Call me Sensei. I can do nothing but teach, and that is what I intend to do," Ashitaka pointed out.

"Sorry Sensei. But what is it that you believe in? What is it that keeps you from removing yourself from a world that has done nothing but work against you?" Kairi rephrased. She knew what she was risking by asking, but Kairi had been wondering since the day that her Sensei's "son" had appeared.

Ashitaka stopped and pondered this for a long moment, staring down at the deep reflective abyss under his feet. Obsidian was strange that way, there seemed to be a thin invisible barrier that always kept you from reaching down into an infinite darkness.

"Sensei, I'm sorry, I spoke without thinking," Kairi quickly corrected. "Forgive—"

"Everyone has their own answer to that question. And everyone must find it for themselves. Some, like myself, might have many answers to that question. At different times in my life the answer has been different things whether I knew it or not. For now I don't have an answer," Ashitaka said plainly and quietly. "You have to find what to believe in for yourself. No one can tell you where to look or how to find it. No one can tell you how long the search will take. It is yours alone to find. Once you do find it, hold on to it with everything you have because the harder it is to find, the easier it is to lose. Come, let me show you what I fought for once." Ashitaka continued up the waxy slope.

Kairi stood, staring at his back, wondering if she could ever be so giving to a world that only took and never gave back. She began to slowly follow, pondering every word Ashitaka had said as if some great treasure was buried behind them. She knew that if her Sensei ever found out how much she looked up to him, he would tell her that he is nothing worth striving for. But Kairi had always disagreed with that. She could see the small child trapped in his heart wanting nothing more than freedom from violence. She knew that Ashitaka would remove himself from the world to wallow in his sins if he was able. What is that keeps him living this way? Where does he draw his strength?

Kairi was so deep in thought that she hadn't noticed they had reached the summit of the volcano. Ashitaka stood at the edge of the great mouth to this—now quiet—battleground. She could see in his body language that he had been here before. He moved slowly with an almost unsure quality about his actions.

"There have been many innocent people that have lost their lives because I was unable to stop whatever might have killed them. For that I have always been hard on myself. But I know that I can't help everyone and I can't stop everything, I am only one man," Ashitaka started. Behind him, Kairi could see Ashitaka clench his fists as he stared out of over this grand opening to hell. "One woman in particular will always stay with me. She died because of my mercy. I had my enemy bested and beaten. I had fought hard on this very ground for everything that my life was until that point. I could have cleansed my enemy's dishonor by giving her death when she deserved it. But I didn't. I took pity on one who knew only lies and deceit. I let her go. I gave her another chance to prove the honor I was so sure she was capable of. She wasn't capable of it. She never has been. She took the life of an innocent woman that day. A woman that was close to my heart in many ways. She spat on my mercy and my forgiveness to take the opportunity to kill...my wife."

Kairi's heart skipped a beat. Wife!?

"And now, all I can do is stand at her grave today and beg that she forgive a weak man for his sins. You see Kairi, when you find it, you hold onto it with everything you have. Even if it costs your life, you fight until the end because you were fortunate enough to find it," said the Wolf Samurai in a weary tone. He then knelt down, picked up some loose dirt, rubbed it between his palms, and let the mountainous breeze take it as if to scatter the ashes of something lost so long ago.

I understand now my Sensei. My Love. You live for your sins. You live to atone for the people you feel you have wronged in some way. I understand it all now, and someday you will figure it out yourself. And I shall be by your side through it all, thought Kairi quietly to herself. She knew that her purpose in this life was now to ease the discomfort of a man who had given everything he had to an ungreatful world. A world that had stripped him of everything including his honor at one point or another. She now knew what she believed in. And she would hold on with everything she had.

Sorry for not posting for so long. Life has been...interesting as of late. I will continue this story, I promise. More to come.

1.5...

"What do you mean you're leaving!?" exclaimed Kairi in shock. She stood and watched Ashitaka silently continue knotting the straps on his breastplate. "Well, if you have to go, at least let me come with–"

"No!" the Samurai of the Wolf said sternly. "I need you to stay and look after the dojo."

"Master, some one else can do that. I am going to come with you," Kairi declared.

"Listen Kairi, I appreciate your concern, but I have to do this alone. Each Samurai must find their own path to honor, you know that. This is mine," Ashitaka said looking deep into Kairi's green eyes.

"And my path to honor is to go with you Master and give you company on your path, not stand here and wait," said Kairi. My path is being at the side of the man I love, Ashitaka, thought the young Samurai of the Owl.

Ashitaka stood for a minute, thinking and continuing to look into her eyes. There was some form of passion burning in her eyes, as if the journey was something that she lived for. As if it was something that she would lay her own life down to protect. "Get your things, we leave in an hour. Also, tell Reece he is in charge, and tell him to have Boxman lead the kata every day."

Sorry for the short one. I decided to split the section here while I try to write the next. Plus, it was getting to be too long of a wait for the next part. At least, I think so.

1.4...

The storm continued as it had for hours. A cool, musty breeze slipped into the room from the window, obviously released from the constant rain turning the soil into mud outside. The dojo still sat in the ruins of the old Dragon City where real roads were hard to find. It was always a humble building, the "first-floor" consisted of a single room where occasional training was done. Well used exotic weapons lined the walls in hopes to be picked up and worked with. In the back left corner of the room, a thin oak ladder was standing, leading up to the attic where Ashitaka's bedroll and quarters were. His only possessions were a single half-burnt candle, the holder it rested in, and the wooden box it sat on.

The candle silently burned, projecting dancing shadows about the gabled room, fighting the darkness and cold outside. Ashitaka sat in a corner of the room in a lotus position, eyes closed, doing his best to meditate and clear his ragged mind. The bandaged chest of the Samurai rose and fell slowly in a vain attempt to control breath. Only did the steady rain on the roof ease the warriors heart. He had always loved storms. The awesome power always humbled Ashitaka and reminded him of nature's shear command of the world and creatures in it.

Suddenly, the Wolf Samurai felt a strong and familiar presence in the room. It had slipped in like the sharpest of daggers to his heart. Finally, he thought. "There is no need to do that anymore...Nesh," Ashitaka called to the shadows of the room. A slender figure slipped into the candle light, cloaked in writhing darkness. "You still shroud yourself in shadows?" the Samurai asked calmly.

"Shadows are my only true allies Ashitaka," came an even response. He hasn't changed, Nesh thought to herself. It had been a year since she had seen him, and the familiar mix of utter love and absolute hatred returned from the depths of her heart. There was nothing like looking at that lean body of his. Battle scars adorned his chest and his arms. Nesh knew many of them were given to him by her, a gift to remember her by. His strong jaw and hard features gave him the warrior look. She had always adored his short shaggy brown hair with its two gray stripes running down the middle of his head. His strong, yet warm blue eyes had always captured her heart. It was those eyes that made him transparent, betraying his every emotion to the trained eye. Especially in lovemaking and battle, Nesh thought to herself. And it was only in those two environments that they had ever shared any form of intimacy.

"Did you send him?" asked Ashitaka bluntly.

"Our son?" replied Nesh, playing dumb.

The Samurai ignored the ploy, "He said he came on his own. He is too young for me to believe that, he has a lot to learn." Ashitaka opened his eyes and looked at Nesh, "And I don't mean that in a physical sense. He has all the fighting skill he needs."

"I had nothing to do with him coming to you, although I did enjoy seeing him try to stand up to his father."

"It pains me to see my own son act the way he is," Ashitaka remarked. "He has potential for great things. But those things can only be unlocked through honor, discipline, and an understanding of himself."

"I could never understand any of that," Nesh said honestly. "I was created to be a killer with everything I needed to know already a part of me."

I remember, Ashitaka thought. He recalled the end of his childhood at the age of three when his father was killed by the woman in writhing shadows. "Our past is a complicated one Nesh, and I do not wish it to stand in the way of his choices. I want him to find his own path, his own truth. That is when he will be strongest."

"You know that the next time you two meet, one of you will die," Nesh gave evenly.

"No," sneered the Samurai. "The blood of Sosetsu, my father, still runs through him. A small part of his heart still feels that anguish every time he dishonors himself. No matter what he does, he will always feel that. I believe he has begun to realize that."

"Ashitaka," giggled Nesh, "your son cares not of honor. It is that oversight that will kill you. Like always, you trust others far too much. Just like that half-rate wizard and flighty fey that betrayed you in the end."

Almost to quick to be seen, the Samurai was on his feet, his katana in hand. Restraining himself and clenching his teeth, Ashitaka replied, "You know nothing! If it weren't for them, I would not stand before you. Take you tricks and traitorous ways and leave this place."

Nesh snickered, "It is always so easy to get a rise from you. As I taught our son long ago, manipulation is always half the battle."

"This is how you repay debts? I remove your master, releasing you from slavery only to be goaded," snapped the Samurai.

"I owe you nothing Samurai!" sneered Nesh, no longer laughing. "It is you and this entire forsaken world that owes me. I gave you all the means to defeat him. Without me, you are nothing!" After a pause to compose herself, the shadowy figure continued, "Face it Ashitaka, we are two parts to a whole. I need you, and you need me. You are my entertainment, and I am your informer."

"If you do not change once and for all Nesh, that tie will have to be severed," Ashitaka replied quietly.

"We shall see my love," the figure cautioned as she melted into the shadows amid the dancing candle-light.

1.3...

All the Wolf Samurai could do for a time was stare at the man on the ground. The man wore standard ninja garb that consisted of a black face mask revealing only the eyes, black garb bound in certain places with material so as to make less noise, and a black sash most likely containing shiruken. The one thing that was not standard was the katana sheath hanging from the man's black sash and the katana currently sticking through Ashitaka. This weapon choice was done deliberately to mock the Samurai, Ashitaka decided.

"Who sent you?" Ashitaka asked calmly. Silence was the answer he received. "I know it wasn't your mother. As far as I'm concerned, she gave up that life a year ago. Unless there is something I don't know," Ashitaka looked deep into the eyes of his son. There was something strange about those eyes. Slight variations in color continually swirled in the irises of this man. Strange... maybe products of the magics that aged him so quickly?

"Master, we have to do something about that wound!" came a distressed call from Kairi.

Ashitaka just stood staring and thinking quietly to himself. My wounds can heal Kairi. They are the least of my concerns. "What is your name?" murmured Ashitaka to his son in a low growl.

Silence.

"Do I not have the right to know my own son's name?" snapped the Great Samurai.

"You don't have the right to live," came a response from behind the mask.

"I have never lived. I have only served. I will continue that way until I die."

Silence.

"I am going to ask one more time. Who sent you?"

The assassin finally stood up, his back to his father. Slowly, he pulled the wakasashi from his left shoulder and dropped it to the ground. "No one sent me. I am here of my own accord... to kill you. Today I have failed, but next time I will not," replied the attacker nonchalantly.

"Next time, my son," said Ashitaka sternly, "I will cleanse you of your dishonor."

"Dishonor?" chuckled the assassin, now staring at Ashitaka. "Like you should talk father." At that, the assassin walked past Ashitaka, grabbed the hilt of his katana buried in his father, and cruelly yanked it out. Ashitaka gave a grunt and fell to one knee. "You see father? You aren't invincible," remarked the attacker who vanished into thin air.

1.2...

Sorry about the no paragraphs. For some reason I can't seem to get them to stay indented. It will have to do for now. To the story:


And yet, typical of the Great Samurai of the Wolf, Ashitaka began to think only of the safety of his students. Selfish was never part of this hero’s vocabulary. Maybe that was what made him good at what he did. It was something his father had always stressed when training Ashitaka. My life is only to serve. Therefore, my life is always forfeit and less important then those in need. And that was his life. Not his thinking. Not his belief. His life. The life of a Samurai. Ashitaka had been selfish once and the consequences were immediately clear: the steel blade that shish kabobed his heart and left lung.

Then, he noticed the situation change. Kairi’s right hand, very slightly, tightened around the naginata slung over her shoulder. Ashitaka knew his attacker had noticed, and heard him begin to slowly slide some metal object from leather in sync with Kairi’s grip. In a split second, the attacker was on the ground with a broken left arm and a wakasashi sticking through his shoulder.

Using all of his senses, Ashitaka had “heard” the movement of the arm about to throw something at Kairi. The attacker, however, had made a rookie mistake. Instead of making a throw in a lateral sweeping motion, the attacker had made it in an overhand motion, bringing the arm over Ashitaka’s left shoulder. Ashitaka caught the arm mid-flight and smashed it down on his left shoulder with enough force to snap the elbow the wrong way. Holding onto the now limp arm, Ashitaka threw the attacker over his shoulder, unsheathing his wakasashi with his right hand in the process. Once the attacker was sprawled on the ground, the wakasashi found its new home in his left shoulder.

Maybe not so professional, Ashitaka thought. My son has a lot to learn.

1...

Has it all been worth it? So many sacrifices and things lost to “the cause.” In the end did that cost outweigh the outcome? Will there ever be peace in a heart that has known nothing but violence for a lifetime? Can the pieces still be put back together to make a whole again? What would father have done?

These were the thoughts that plagued him everyday. If he closed his eyes, the burden, the pain, the sorrow would come flooding back, drowning his heart and mind in sadness and despair. Sleep was out of the question for the weary warrior, and meditation became harder each day. A mental battle was being waged, harder than any battle or physical test he had ever endured. He felt as if he were in a pitch black room without a weapon being tortured by the shadows that snickered and sneered at his helplessness.

“What’s troubling you master?” the Samurai of the Owl, Kairi, asked. “Were my kata satisfactory?” Sweat glistened on Kairi’s petite delicate face. Her fair-skin was contrasted by her dark brunette hair in a messy pony-tail. The rest of her body was covered in the lacquered plates of her samurai armor and the gi underneath. The armor itself bore the owl sigil of her ancestors, the ancient samurai long extinct. Kairi’s naginata was slung over her right shoulder, the weapon she had chosen for herself. Ashitaka wondered how such a small girl could wield such a long spear-like weapon. But, all that mattered was that she was comfortable with it.

Coming back from his thoughts, Ashitaka looked over his students. They were all standing, waiting for him to say or do something. Then, his gaze shifted out over the landscape. The small hill and plains surrounding it were bathed in sunlight. The deep green accented by the light blue of the sky. Summer is so beautiful here, he thought.

A familiar feeling suddenly rushed over Ashitaka. He hadn’t felt it in some time which made it difficult to place for a few seconds. The sudden burst of agony, and the gasp from his students quickly reminded Ashitaka of what he was feeling. Physical pain. He slowly looked down to the last twelve inches of a blood soaked katana protruding from his chest. Quickly, Ashitaka’s instincts went into action assessing the situation. One known assailant. Professional. Ashitaka hadn’t heard or seen the assassin, and obviously neither had his students who stared at him in shock. His body told him the blade had gone through his heart and left lung. He would be hard pressed to fight in this condition.

A gruff voice from over Ashitaka’s shoulder stopped him from thinking, “I will finish what mother started. I will never be as weak willed as her or you. The Samurai must be removed no matter the cost. I am the chosen one, the one to complete the mission.”

Just a start. Enjoy.

The happenings...

So it's been more than a few days since I have updated. I've been pretty busy despite the fact that I haven't had a job for about 3 weeks. Let's see. I managed to acquire a full-time job at Micro Center in Downers Grove which I start Monday. Also, I have been applying to different police departments. I took all the testing for Warrenville and I am waiting for a response. I am in the process of applying to Northlake and Glen Ellyn. Things are finally moving forward in life or at least that's what I am hoping. Also, I have begun school back at College of DuPage.

As far as "fun" stuff, I have been playing a lot of Diablo 2 for one reason or another and running some D&D in the 8 Towers Campaign that I have been adding to.

So that is what is happening at this point. A lot of just hanging out and waiting for something to happen. New posts should be coming soon as I hope to begin a fan-fiction on here. Some of you know of which fan-fiction I speak, some of you do not. I hope all of you will enjoy it.

9/11...

9/11 today. I, as well as most, remember what happened on this fateful day years ago. Thinking back, I even remember where I was and what I was doing. We all know what 9/11 means in general for the United States and how life changed. But today I ask the question that we all should ask ourselves: "What does 9/11 mean to me?"

My answer to that question is this: That was the day I felt such overwhelming pride in my country and her citizens. Everyone had a flag up. Looking into most people's eyes, I could see the pain and anger, as if their own family had been killed in the tragedy. Suddenly everyone was American. I had never felt such unity before in my life. I will always look up to those heroes in New York. Firemen, Police, everyday people risking their lives for others. I only hope that I would react the same. That same selfless honor, courage, and sacrifice. So, in that sense, 9/11 to me IS America. And God bless her.

Chili's...

So, after being hired at Chili's, I gave my two weeks to my other two jobs. I was supposed to train for Chili's the week before I officially started there while working at my other jobs. If that didn't work out the manager would just let me train the week after when I was free. Sounds fine to me right? I have to go to orientation before training can commence. So, on Monday, a week before I am completely free to work Chili's, I head over to some random hotel to have orientation. I can't find the place. I'm driving around going, "Where the hell is it?!" Finally, I realize that they had put down the wrong hotel name on the sheet they gave me. 15 minutes late, I walk in.

As I'm coming in, the woman behind the front desk suddenly says, "Are you here for the Chili's orientation?" I reply with a yes and then she says, "Well, it has been canceled. I'm sorry."

Okay...I think to myself. So I head back home the half-an-hour it took me to get there. Orientation for Chili's is once a week on Mondays. So, I have to wait another week to do it. Alright, no problem, we had talked about this. I will just do it next week.

So I do orientation the next week. It goes smoothly. I am told to call and find out my training schedule after I get out of orientation. I get home and I call the restaurant. They say that I need to come in that Saturday to train. Wow. Five days of no work? Well, I had been working quite a bit at my old jobs, so I will just call this "time off".

I get there Saturday and train. When I finish, I ask to have my training schedule. They say to call later and they will have it ready for me. Okay, will do. I call later that day for it. They say they are training other people and that they couldn't get my in until that next Wednesday or Thursday when the schedule changes and that they will call me about it. I'm a little frustrated, seeing as it will be another week without work, but fine, I guess I can understand.

Wednesday night rolls around. I am at a friend's house at about eight or nine pm and wonder what is going on. Will they call me? Well, I decide to call them. The training manager, Sarah, answers and seems angry that I called to find out, like I should know already when I work. She asks if she can call me back because she has to see if a trainer can come in tomorrow. I get a call back and she wants me in tomorrow. Fine, nothing like short notice for both the trainer and myself. I need to start working ASAP, however, so I go along with it.

The next day, I go to training. Now keep in mind, two weeks have gone by without real work and I'm on day two of five in the training. I get there and train. It has been a good day of training. I got to shadow the trainer, serve, and see how its done. At the end I fail the menu test, however, for which you are only allotted 30 minutes to study. The training manager, Sarah, comes up and starts saying that she has no one to train people and that I screwed up big time and if I don't pass the same test the next day, I am no longer in the training program (fired). If I do pass she will try to slot me in the next day Saturday. I am fuming, but, I keep my mouth shut and go along with it.

Friday, I take the test and pass. When I ask, though, they tell me that I can't train again until Monday. This is getting ridiculous but fine.

Monday rolls around. I go there to train and they let me study for 30 minutes for the next menu test I will be taking right away. I study, I fail. I'm sorry, but I cannot memorize every ingredient and preparation method in 30 minutes. Since I fail, they send me home with instructions to come back tomorrow to take the test again. If I pass I go on to train (they never said when). If I fail, I'm fired.

This is ridiculous. The next day, I call the general manager, James. I go and meet him there and tell him the whole story. I also lay out that he had promised me that I would be trained as soon as possible so that I wouldn't lose money. I outline the fact that I feel like I'm being dicked around and also this entire time I have never seen a training schedule or know who I am training with. He apologizes many times saying he had no idea and that someone who had been hired way after me was already on day four. He also said he was very angry and someone would be hearing about this. I think he was happier that I didn't just go to corporate with it. Anyhow, he said that it was up to me whether or not I wanted to work there because I told him that I was disenchanted with the job. If I did, he said he would get me a schedule that day. I went home to think.

After a couple hours of thought, I couldn't get passed the fact that the environment would be awkward in some way. So, I called him up and quit.

That was yesterday. Today, I wonder what I am going to do for a job. I have been in this apartment for about four months and I haven't been able to pay a month's rent. My parents are floating us through this which is unfair to them and makes me very angry. I haven't been able to save money since I lost my job at Brain Snacks (a small bookstore) last November. I don't want to be rich. I just want to be stable and have some saving money so that we can be alright here.

Panic...

Full Metal Panic. If you are a Mecha enthusiast (like me) you will love this show. Even if you are not though, it has a great mix of comedy, drama, and down-right-in-your-face-'mechs-with-shotguns-knives-and-machine-guns-blowing-up-helicopters-and -tanks action. The characters all rock and really make this show what it is. Bottom line: its just a good show, watch it now! You heard me.

Box O' mags...

These are pretty cool. They are made by STAR airsoft. You can buy a box of magazines for only $40. Granted they are plastic and only hold 30 rounds, but I would rather have mags that are cheap and wouldn't have to worry about breaking. Plus, being the "everything must be close to the real thing" guy I am, I like the 30 rounds. I think this would be the way I would go with maybe a 300 round high-capacity magazine on me just in-case.

I SAW it...

Yep. At the airsoft store last week, I got to hold and touch the new CA249. It was gorgeous. It is an exact replica of the M249 SAW and it is heavy. The whole thing is metal. The bipod folds up into the handguard and, if you pull on it, it will spring out to the extended position for quick use. It weighs in at about 15lbs and you feel it. It was hefty, I would not want to lug it around a battlefield. My hat is off to the guy who carries the real ones for his squad. You can use the M16/M4 magazines but the best is the self-winding box magazine that holds 2400 rounds. The rate of fire, according to the forums on Arnie's Airsoft, is amazing. The thing is a beast. And it ought to be considering it is $900+. I don't know that I could pay that much for one weapon, but at least I got to hold it. Heh.

Tears...

It has been out for awhile, but, if you haven't seen it, go rent Tears of the Sun. It stars Bruce Willis as a U.S. Navy SEAL lieutenant. He and his team are sent in to extract Dr. Lena Kendricks (Monica Bellucci) from Africa. During the mission he ends up questioning his morality. Freaking awesome movie! My favorite live-action movie really. The plot isn't too deep, but that is because the movie focuses on the characters and how they interact. It is rather gory and graphic but the director didn't want to falsely represent what is going on in Africa. Check it out.

Black beauties...

Just wanted to throw up the pictures of the 2 airsoft weapons that I have been reading about and considering for the last 7 months. Its easy to make a well informed and smart decision when you have so much time to think about it. When I do get one (yeah right, I should get a clue) I will post a pic of mine.

New links...

Just wanted to give the heads-up on the new links I threw up. Both are accounts from G.I.s of their experience in the field. The first one, Armor Geddon, is hilarious though. He writes about some funny stuff happening in the armed forces. The second, by Michael Yon, is a lot more serious. Its more of a "news" reporting blog. Both are excellent reads. Check 'em out.

Incoming!!!

I had to post this. This screenshot embodies a lot of what Battlefield 2 is. Look closely. Where's Waldo? Heh.

Layla..

No, not the song. We just got our poodle puppy last Saturday. We named her Layla. She is very smart and catching on rather quickly. She is already spoiled. She doesn't like to be left alone and cries when she is. She woke up the other day and practically jumped out of her skin when she didn't know where she was. She is pretty funny. It is nice having a dog around again (even if it is a poodle j/k). I'm going to try and get a pic up when I can. That is mostly what I was waiting for to post about her. But, what the heck. I can post twice right? Might as well with how much this blog gets updated. ;)

Plus...

Boys and girls, I give you the YF-19. It was one of two prototypes that the movie Macross Plus was about. I originally didn't like the movie. At the time I was looking for heavy mecha battles and space wars. I has only a little bit of that. Its more about two test pilots and their lives up until that point. And so, after my purchase, I was initially disipointed. Recently, however, I watched it again and loved every second. I was moved and found a deeper meaning in it. Therefore, I now say it is well done and well thought out. It is showing its date now, but if you can get around that, it is a good flick. Check it out.

Oh wow...

I was on one of my favorite Battlefield 2 sites, and found this page. Check out all these mods. Mech Tactical Simulation? Battlefield: Apocalypse? Verge of Armageddon (command & conquer based)? Rise of Kobol (battlestar galactica)? The list goes on and excites me. The best part is that EA is encouraging them and giving them some support. Very cool.

Awesome...

spec ops

Sorry, but I couldn't resist posting a pic of my favorite class, the Special Forces. I love it. Alright, I'll stop now. No more Battlefield 2 pics...for now.

Space, the new RPG...

Awhile back, Cobalt's posting about Space Operas got me all excited about them. So, I started running the Robotech RPG. I stuck the players on a battleship, the S.S. Hayes, as mecha pilots. The Hayes and another ship were escorting the new colony ship dubbed SDF-Hope on a mission to spread humanity out among the stars for greater survivability. Mid-space-jump though, all 3 ships jump-drives were attacked by anti-united government forces. The only surviving ship was the S.S. Hayes because its jump-drive didn't get destroyed until after it came out of the jump. What's worse is all 3 ships had their jump co-ordinates changed just before the jump, so the Hayes has no idea where it is. I have them stuck out in space, near a desert planet home to an Invid (evil alien race) hive. I have run 3 sessions and so far it has been awesome. Thanks Cobalt!

Ahhh, my baby...

cobra

Now that I have actually figured out how to fly this baby, I am rocking the tanks with it. I just keep hovering in low and letting 'em have it. No more tank. Thank goodness for the Cobra.

Oh boy...

Goodness me, I haven't posted here in so long. I would like to share why. As my last post said, I fixed my Dell. I was suddenly then taken over by Counter-Strike: Source. I love that game. But now there is a new problem, Battlefield 2. A game that I know Cobalt has been dreaming about since he was born. A game where one can pilot helicopters, tanks, a.p.c.'s, dune buggies, and jets. What’s more, you can be all kinds of different soldiers from medics to special forces. My favorite is jumping out of Blackhawks and parachuting behind enemy lines. The best part? The maps online are huge with 64 players. Its so good its ridiculous.

As for what is really going on, last Thursday I gave my 2 weeks to Jewel and COD (my jobs up until this point) because I am going to work full-time as a waiter at Chili's. I never wanted to be a waiter, but apparently the money rocks, which excites me.

My girlfriend and I are getting a dog on the 12th or 13th. Its a poodle puppy. She is allergic to anything else really, so there is no other choice. All that aside though, it will be damn smart which is always a plus. We went and saw the puppies again last weekend, they were all really cute. Suddenly, I feel like we are becoming our own li'l family.

Alright, enough of the mushy stuff. So BF2, you can blow all this shit up with C4 when you are the special forces. I love running up to tanks, planting C4 on 'em, and hitting the detonator. Say good night!

More posts soon.

All systems go...

Back up and running! I finally got around to calling Dell(mainly because my friend did it for me) and my computer is back and running. The only thing is that I had to wipe the hard-drive clean. Oh well, I'm used to it by now. Either way, right now I am installing Half-life 2 again! Woohoo!!! Let the good times roll I always say.

On that note...

Alright, so tomorrow around 3 or 4-ish I am heading to Javabomberman’s house to jam. It didn’t work out last Wednesday because I had just missed him coming home from work. Either way, let the music begin tomorrow. At Java’s apartment last Saturday, we met some random guy from the 4th floor that plays bass. He said anytime we could go knock on his door and jam. We might just have to take him up on his offer. Java can play bass and drums well, but obviously not at the same time.

Like I had said, I only have one song completely written. I do, however, have a bunch of riffs and ideas I would like to try with a set of drums or a bass backing me up (or me backing them up). I have my one song recorded but not well. The song isn’t the best. It was really just an attempt to see if I could even write my own music. So, the recording went along those same lines. On my laptop, using its built-in mic, I just wanted to see if I could record it. I did it before I moved from my old apartment. I had just finished the song and the vocals were still a little shaky. The whole thing was kind of testing the waters. Once I have it recorded all right, I will post it here.

Also, I will be writing more songs. Especially since I will be playing music with more than myself from now on.

Begins...

Ok people, let's talk Batman. My favorite "super"-hero of all time. I love all but one of the movies, and watched the animated series religiously. Also, I still have all my favorite Batman comics. But nothing prepared me for what the newest Batman movie, Batman Begins, could bring onto the screen.

First, let's discuss the old movies. Batman, by Tim Burton, is just classic. The sequel, Batman Returns also by Tim Burton, was not quite as good, but still well made. Batman Forever was very well done, had cooler gadgets, and introduced Robin. Finally, the last of the bunch, I don't even remember what it was called, featured Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. That was a complete joke of a movie. Most of these movies had great fight scenes and good acting. All the movies, however, assumed that you knew many things about the comic book series and all of it's characters.

Enter Batman Begins. This movie had *GASP* character development? What? An american movie where characters are people?!?! What? Story without neat graphics to carry the whole movie? Maybe I'm a Batman fan-boy, but this movie rocks hard. I loved every second and I AM going to see this movie again. Maybe its my complex with wanting to be a hero. Maybe its that it was father's day and the movie's father/son relationship was a focus. Whatever it was, I felt this movie.

Bottom line, go see this movie. Damn good.

Role-play go!

I have begun Role-playing on a Yahoo! group. Its a Zelda role-playing group and seems like a lot of fun. I used to be in a different Zelda RPG on the same site, but that was awhile ago. I always find group RPGs interesting considering there aren't any stats and there is no dice rolling. Its all story-driven and there is no GM. I find them fun and entertaining as well as a great exercise in creativity and writing. You can find the group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/zelda_OoT_rpg/, my character's name is Kai.

Gods...

Although I am unsure if this list is to be added to in the future, these are the main gods of my world. Just thought I would throw in some info of my D&D world.

The Great Dragon (Greater Deity)
Bahamut
God of Dragons
• Gender: Male
• Symbol: The silhouette of a dragon in silver from a top view with its wings open.
• Alignment: Lawful Good
• Portfolio: Good dragons, good, law, protection.
• Domains: Dragon, Good, Law, Protection.
• Favored Weapon: Pick (claw).
• Dogma: Evil shall not be tolerated in any form. Take care of those in hard times. Respect the Dragons, for their form is the true form. Recognize the inherent laws of the world.

The Three Sisters (Greater Deities)
Anu
Sun Goddess
• Gender: Female
• Symbol: Round golden disk with a beautiful woman’s face carved into it.
• Alignment: Neutral Good
• Portfolio: Good, life, birth, protection.
• Domains: Good, Healing, Protection, Sun.
• Favored Weapon: Longsword. “Only the sword can truly reflect the Sun’s rays.”
• Dogma: Protect those weaker than you. Do not allow injustice. Do not judge others, for it is not a mortal’s place. Bring the Sun’s rays to all corners of the world where shadows lurk.
• Other Names: The Great Mother. Holy Mother. Bright Mother. Bright One.

Mania
Goddess of Death
• Gender: Female
• Symbol: Flaming bat.
• Alignment: Neutral Evil
• Portfolio: Evil, death, decay, undeath.
• Domains: Darkness, Death, Destruction, Evil.
• Favored Weapon: Sickle. “Reap the people their freedom of death.”
• Dogma: All living creatures will taste the blade of my sickle, and I shall taste their soul. Death is the only true freedom.
• Other Names: Eater of Souls. Grim Reaper. Flesh Reaper.

Freya
Goddess of Magic
• Gender: Female
• Symbol: A patient owl.
• Alignment: Neutral
• Portfolio: Magic, balance, knowledge, observation.
• Domains: Knowledge, Magic, Rune, Trickery.
• Favored Weapon: Quarterstaff. “Do not overlook that which is plain. Wait for it to show its true form.”
• Dogma: Magic is the true power of the world. Only balance can bring true knowledge and only objective observation can bring balance.
• Other Names: The Patient Owl, Mistress of Magic.

Creation (Greater Deity)
Aegis
God of the Elements
• Gender: None
• Symbol: A ring of four flames, one white, one brown, one red, one blue.
• Alignment: Lawful Neutral
• Portfolio: Air, earth, fire, water.
• Domains: Air, Earth, Fire, Water.
• Favored Weapon: None
• Dogma: Do not defile the laws and forms of creation.
• Other Names: Gaia, Lord of Elements.

The 5 Children (Intermediate Deities)
Jukab
Lord of Artifice
• Gender: Male
• Child of: Freya
• Symbol: A grey cog.
• Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
• Portfolio: Artifice, invention.
• Domains: Artifice, Creation, Knowledge.
• Favored Weapon: Hammer
• Dogma: Only artifice and technology can create change. One can judge one life’s worth by how much one has created.
• Other Names: Wonderbringer, The Giver, The Creator.

Rhya
Goddess of Nature
• Gender: Female
• Child of: Anu
• Symbol: A green silhouette of a tree.
• Alignment: Chaotic Good
• Portfolio: Plants, animals.
• Domains: Animal, Healing, Plant.
• Favored Weapon: Spear
• Dogma: Do not discard the power of nature. It is the only law that can be found in chaos.
• Other Names: The Den Mother, The Green Mistress, The Forest Keeper.

Tyr
God of War
• Gender: Male
• Child of: Mania
• Symbol: Red-eyed raven.
• Alignment: Chaotic Evil
• Portfolio: War, battlefields.
• Domains: War, Death, Destruction.
• Favored Weapon: Axe
• Dogma: All that is right or wrong can be solved by war. War is the ultimate equalizer.
• Other Names: The Warmonger, The Great Battleaxe.

Opi
God of Travelers
• Gender: Male
• Child of: Anu
• Symbol: Walking boots.
• Alignment: Chaotic Good
• Portfolio: Travel, roads.
• Domains: Luck, Travel, Protection.
• Favored Weapon: Quarterstaff (walking stick)
• Dogma: One will see nothing unless they free themselves on the open road. Experience comes to those who travel some form of path. Every person has his or her own path in life.
• Other Names: The Path-Maker, The Great Grandfather.

Sky
Goddess of Weather
• Gender: Female
• Child of: Aegis
• Symbol: Lightning Bolt with a storm cloud in the background.
• Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
• Portfolio: Weather, temperature.
• Domains: Weather, Air, Water.
• Favored Weapon: Javelin
• Dogma: If you try to oppose the Weather, you oppose the power of earth itself. The Weather has her own way.
• Other Names: The Almighty Hurricane. The Great Eye of the Storm.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is father's day. Dad is coming down to see Batman Begins with me. We have seen every Batman movie together (yes even the bad ones) and I thought it would be cool to keep the tradition. The movie, in my opinion, looks great, and I am excited to see it.

On another note, a good friend of mine, Javabomberman, has moved back near me. Its nice to have him back and we might be able to finally put together a make-shift band. I even tossed the idea of an open mic night or something around. We will see. I only have one full song written, but I am eager to write more. It is quite refreshing getting the thoughts on paper and for once I can say that the work actually produced something. Come on, let's face it, hours on end of videogames just gives me red eyes. One of the main reasons this "band" excites me is, even though I love to play my guitar, it was one of THE best experiences of my life to play with drums and other instruments. The fun just multiplied, and I could feel myself slipping into the "flow" or the "zone" some might say. Either way, its going to be good.

WHAT!?!?!?

Snake MGS2

That's right boys and girls, Snake is back. After a prequel to put off the inevitable, Konami, even though Kojima swore off the series, is going to release the 4th installment of Metal Gear Solid. The game takes place after the 2nd and will give answers to questions left at the end (finally!). I can't wait. If you would like to see the trailer, head to this web site.

Description...

I was watching Hero again last night, one of my
favorite movies, and mulling over the gorgeous scenes
in my head and how to describe them if I were running
a role-playing game. Basically, I was exercising my
description. As I'm watching, I realized something:
the way I would describe those scenes, if running,
would be a whole lot of work and would take a long
time. I began to think. How could I cut down on my
descriptions and make them more exciting? I thought
back to my high-school days in creative writing. Cut
everything down to the bones. Ok, but I can only do so
much in a medium where I can't go back and correct
what I said and refine it. That won't work. Then I
thought about most books and writings. Finally, I knew
what I was doing wrong. I never make use of the most
powerful descriptive tools, similes and metaphors.
There is a reason these are used in writing, and I
think if I can master these ideas, my descriptions
will be more real, and I will be able to describe more quickly.

Also, something else that will help, I have been
talking to my friend Cobalt about running (he is my
mentor after all) and I have been realizing that a
story is made up of the interactions of people and
that is what the focus of running should be. I should
run interesting NPCs and interactions with people.

I think these new ideas will help greatly and I am
excited to run my next game to try them out.

Link updates...

I have put 3 more links on my blog that I think people
should check out. The first one, Groven Myth, is a
blog outlining the game that I played Ashitaka in. It
should be very good and well written as most stuff by
Cobalt is.

The second is another good friend who LOVES anime. Hey
is a good guy and can usually make one laugh until one
falls to the floor convulsing.

The third one is a friend of mine who goes way back.
He has always been sort of a rebel and has shared my
dreams in getting onto a SWAT team. He is a good man
and would take a bullet for me just the same way I
would for him. Mike, I hope its you who is next to me
when we bust that door down.

If you would like some more entertainment value past
my measly attempts, check these guys out. They have
always been my friends no matter what. I at least owe
it to them.

So what happened...

I ran the my game tonight. I did chastise each
character accordingly, but between themselves, it
started to get heated again, so I told them just to be
more careful essentially. Then, the Warforged player
made a new dwarven druid. He is chaotic neutral. More
ripples in the water. Just what I need. ;)

The 8 Towers...

So, I know I haven't mentioned it in awhile, but my
D&D campaign, The 8 Towers, is going relatively well.
Granted all the characters are still 1st level, but
all in all, I have gotten the plot started and things
seem on track for the most part.

The characters are in the country of Quar in the city
of Gyda. Quar is a country whose military strength has
brought it independence and land, and its prosperity
springs from its huge quarries and mines. It has a
large wall surrounding the entire country much like
the Great Wall of China except that it is round and
connected. This wall was created by Iso, a neighboring
city-state that made the wall in thanks and as payment
for the raw materials needed for its technologies.

Quar'�s military strength extends from the use of
Battletitan cavalry units. Battletitans are pretty
much slightly larger raptors. Quar has many
Battletitan ranches in its cities, and the second
largest of these cities is Gyda. Gyda is a quiet town
that offers the second most Battletitans for use in
the military in the country.

In Gyda last session, the players had some inter-party
conflict. Its tough having two paladins in a party,
especially if one of them is an exalted paladin. After
looting some major magic items that had been stolen,
the party finds out whom they belong to. Immediately
the paladins, as they should being Lawful Good and
all, demand that they return the items. The party's
Warforged (living construct) artificer, who knows
nothing but how to be efficient, demands they use the
items to finish out the quest so more items don't get
stolen, then return them. The three of them started
arguing as to what they should do. The other party
members didn�t say much. The role-playing was
excellent until the exalted paladin, and shortly
thereafter, the other paladin drew their swords and
attacked the Warforged. Now, granted the Warforged
said that the exalted paladin�s god had nothing to do
with the situation that, I guess, could be considered
an insult, but I don�t see a Lawful Good character
attacking someone just because they insulted someone.
Needless to say, there was a battle and the Warforged
was put to the ground. The Items were then returned to
their rightful owner immediately. That is where the
session left off.

Tomorrow, I have to run this game and I have yet to
decide what to do. I have a few options.

1. Do it video game style and rewind and do it again.
2. Tell the Warforged player to make a new character.
3. Let the Warforged wake up and see where things go.

I never like to do 1 because this is not a videogame.
3 is risky and could make things worse. So I think I
will be doing 2. Either way, all three characters are
going to be chastised about the whole situation.
Should be interesting.

Gundam Seed...

This is my most favorite anime. I have never loved an
anime so much. I think being a Mecha freak had a
little to do with it, but even without the 'Mechs,
this anime's story and character development are
top-notch and beautiful. I felt everything the
characters did, and I wept at the end. I have never
seen anything like it. The action sequences are
gorgeous. The animation is beautiful. It's just the
best. And they did it all in 50 episodes. Not like
Naruto where it takes 50 episodes just to get
anywhere.

If you do watch this, make sure to watch up to episode
11 or 12. That is when the episodes start outdoing
themselves. Every episode just gets better and better
until the end when they hit the top. The only
exceptions to this rule are the recap episodes where
they go back and tell you what happened so far.

Even though it has been awhile since this came out, it
is still worth the look. This will probably be my
favorite for a long time. It has been since 3 years
ago when it came out. I loved every second of it and I
hope you will too.

P.S.- Make sure to watch the Japanese version, not
that dubbed crap on Cartoon Network. If that is the
only way for you to see it, I understand.

Alchemicals are here...

ExaltedTheAutochthonians
Originally uploaded by WlfSamurai.

Another Exalted hardcover to add on to the collection. This new type of Exalt, called the Alchemicals, are giant robot-like Exalted capable of many things. The book outlines them and their master, Autochthon, whom they live in.

The book also outlines scenarios for the invasion of creation by the autochthonians. Also, there is a scenario for the First and Forsaken Lion to envade Autochthon.

All-in-all, the book is excellently written. The amount of fun and interesting info also is great. Even though this book is 100% optional in any Exalted game, it is still a must have for any Exalted-lover or collector.

Awhile...

Well, even though my last post said that now I had the net again, it isn't working correctly. Hence the –not posting in awhile– thing. Anyhow, lots of stuff has happened since then. My girlfriend and I set up our new apartment and it is awesome. I have been running a D&D game every other week. I began running an Exalted game. I have a week or so of school left. We got a golden retriever puppy that my girlfriend was allergic to that my parents bought from us. But that is about it. Oh yeah and some of my ex-friends keep Instant messaging my girlfriend. Why don't I tell that story? It keeps plaguing me, so I might as well.

Awhile back I had a group of friends that I used to hang out with. We used to get together every Monday, and play a role-playing game at my apartment. One of them, one day, tells me he is gay and is in love with me. I didn't want to freak him out so I calmly told him that I am not gay. Another friend in the group knew that the first friend was gay and was trying to talk him out of telling me knowing that I was not.

Anyhow, the group of friends ended up shunning him and not inviting this now gay friend because he was always so depressed. They started ridiculing and making fun of him behind his back, and I made the mistake of joining in. I had never handled this kind of thing before, and was being shown by my friends that it was ok to be angry at him for all these things when it was not. I am not making excuses, I made these mistakes and I regret them because he is a good guy, and could have been a really good friend. These are things that I have always told myself I would never do.

Next thing that happens is a new guy, who is a co-worker of the one of the friends in the group, joins us. He seemed like a nice guy at first and has a girlfriend, something no one else, save for me, has. This guy's name is Dan. Dan is the kind of guy who can talk himself out of anything. He will sweet-talk you to get what he wants, and treats everyone around him like they are lower than him. If Dan thinks something, that is the way its going to be or he will get pouty or mad. I don't think Dan ever really liked me, mostly because I wouldn't take his shit, especially in MY apartment. One day we are over at my apartment and my girlfriend is there baking cookies (she wanted to I swear) and she gave me a kiss while we were playing. So Dan says, "Hey! Where's mine?" Now my girlfriend will never back down from a challenge, especially if people thing she won't do it. So she walks over and pecks him on the lips. I didn't mind because Dan's face was crazy. It was pretty funny. Anyhow, later on I find out that Dan's girlfriend, who he told about this, is all pissed at my girlfriend. My girlfriend calls his girlfriend and apologizes about. His girlfriend is still pissed. Then one night we were all eating out, my girlfriend included and when we got up from the table to all buy hats (long story) my girlfriend puts one of my friends phone into his pie, just the antenna, as a joke. When he comes back he is all pissed. Now, I agree that it is a shitty thing to do, but he continues to be pissed at her until they were no longer my friends. His phone still works.

A couple days later, I find I have a voice message. I listen, at first I am laughing at my drunk friend, then I hear other people saying, “Ask Josh why he is going out with his girlfriend?" It was Dan. He denies it, but I could tell his voice and the friend on the phone is says, “That was Dan." Then I hear Dan say in the background, “No, that wasn't me!" Same voice. I realize they are doing to me what they were doing to my gay friend, who they hate at this point and don't invite him to a lot of stuff.

Now I'm pissed. I go to find out, they don't like my girlfriend now. So instead of talking to me about it, they stop inviting me to stuff. That seems to be the way they are handling it. It's the exact thing they did to my gay friend. Now I regret taking part in it because it wasn't about him, they just handle things like that. After a couple of heated conversations, I tell them not to call me anymore and to leave my girlfriend and myself alone.

They leave another voice message with Dan speaking saying it wasn't him and joking around like its some big joke. I'm thinking, “I don't care who it was, someone did it." Either way, I get Instant Messaged by Dan who tells me that I am being a Dick about all this and that they like me, so I shouldn't have a problem. Talking to him is like ramming your head into a wall, he manipulates everything you say, and will readily use it against you. I gave up, and blocked him after he said, “If you don't want to talk why don't you block us?" I didn't want to have to, I didn't know this was highschool. But I gave him his wish. I just wanted to stop talking to them and to never hear from them again.

Next thing that happens is, I'm getting ready to move and the gay friend calls and wants to come pick up something we all bought together and pay for my half. Fine. When he comes over though, he tells me that he heard from all the other people what I did, how I didn't invite him to things and that I was not honest with him. I said to him, “There were some things I was not honest to you about. And I didn't stop them from not inviting you and I did make fun of you. For all of that, I am sorry, but they initiated that all." Apparently, they decided that they should get him on "their" side before I did. So now they are just using him, he hates me, and is their "best friend". And who is heading up all this? Dan. Now, Dan harasses my girlfriend online, he IMs her and then signs off right away. The things he says are terrible. Once he said, “Why don't you come over right now and have sex with me." The other night he said, “I hate you!" and signed off. I just want to be left alone. I don't know what my girlfriend or I did to deserve this. Just when I start to forget, they do something stupid to remind me. I am tired of it. And the only person who I do care about hates me and is being used.

Anyhow, I just wanted to get that off my chest. That was why I had all those depressing times in my last blogs and such.

Until next time.

Back on the Net...

Well, the move is complete. I have uprooted again and I am in a better place now. As of today, I have the Internet again so the blog will pick back up. Sorry for the tiny pause. I will make up for it with the amount that is going on in my life now.

A MAJOR change in thought...

I am considering changing my major from Graphic Arts to Sociology. Sociology fascinates me on so many levels and has given me answers that other things just have not. It allows me to see the reasons behind many things. I have always been hung up on the why. Like, for example, homework in a class that I am very good at. I usually do worse in a class that I am well versed in as opposed to a class that I am not very good in. Why? Simple, I always question the why behind the homework in the class that I am good at. Why should I do the homework when I know everything and it all comes so easily to me? I suppose for me, things have to have purpose for me to do something. That is ironic, however, in the fact that I play role-playing games. They serve no purpose other than to give me entertainment. So many questions.

Back to sociology though, tonight's class answered the question I had in the last post. When can I consider myself a man? Why am I called names when I haven't done anything but care for others? Because it is not the accepted perception that society puts to being a "man". To be a "man", you have to be above everyone. You need to Treat women poorly, gain "respect" by putting others down, and use physical force to show power and control. I have felt these pressures in so many aspects of my life and I ABSOLUTELY disagree with this. Women should be treated with nothing but respect and equality. A true man is caring, honorable, and kind. In trying to be the typical "man" society describes for me, those things will never fit in, thus the frustration. I understand now that I am approaching my problems from the wrong perspective. I am approaching them from the perspective that something is wrong with ME. The real problem is that something is wrong with society's perception of what a "man" is.

I will leave you with this. When violence is reported, do you focus on the story more if a man committed the crime or a woman? If the man committed the crime, it is almost normal. If a woman commits a crime, the whole article/story is focusing on the fact that it was a woman who did it, and then in turn it becomes a bigger deal to you because it is out of the "norm". Remember, it is always the privileged that are not examined.

Confused...

Has someone every HIT you with words? I mean literally, it felt like their words were a punch in the face or gut? I hate that feeling, especially when you KNOW the person saying these things is respectable and right in so many ways. It seems ironic to me though. Words mean nothing right? Actions speak louder than words right? But then why can they have such an effect on me? Why is something that someone said mean so much to me?

Last night I got that punch in the face. And now, I am questioning everything that I live for. What do I live for? I don't even know and that might be the problem. I thought I had already stepped into the realm of manhood, but obviously, I am still just a child on so many levels. My next question then becomes will I ever be able to tell myself, "Now I am a man"?

My beliefs like honor, justice, selflessness, compassion, and above all kindness, have gotten me nowhere. It seems that the only way one can get ahead anywhere is through selfishness and hurting others. I have hurt others, but I have always told them that I am sorry and truly meant it. I have never tried to hurt others to get ahead or to feel above them. Actually, that is a lie, I have and I regret it everyday. I am so tired of being described with words like "pussy", "woman", and "child" just because I care about others. I guess that is the way it should be though. If I care, I obviously am gay somehow automatically, or am of the other sex.

As far as last night goes, I will always be sorry for what I have done, which doesn't make it okay. I never wanted to be the person to let people down and it seems to be the only thing I am good at right now. In fact, being that person was always one of my biggest fears. Too late now.

Naruto!!!

Naruto
Originally uploaded by WlfSamurai.

If you like anime, this is one of the best. For myself, it is not THE best but at least runs a close second. There is something in it for everyone, although it gets into more fighting as the show progresses.

The show is mainly a story of teenagers growing up in a "Hidden Village". This is a village that trains the countries ninja for battle against other villages or whatever may threaten the world. The main character, Naruto, is the child of disaster. Born with a seal on his stomach that encases the Nine-tailed Fox, an evil demon of immense power, within him.

Hi-flying action. Heart-felt drama. Great-characters. What else can one ask for?

My favorite part of anime has always been the art. Art is what got me into anime in the first place. Naruto has excellent artwork and animation in it. It is a long series, and takes some time to develop, but the wait is worth it. Check it out!

Wold Map

Wold Map
Originally uploaded by WlfSamurai.

I thought I might start discussing my Dungeons & Dragons campaign setting with a map of the world. I have created quite a bit for this world already, but there is still so much work to be done. Everything in it, save for the rules in the book and most monsters, is original. I started creating this about a month ago and have just built on it ever since. It is called The Eight Towers setting based off the eight towers in the center of the world. I run this world every other Friday for a group of friends who all play characters in it (I will discuss their characters in another post).

For this world, I have only developed three continents: Arcadia, the continent directly south of the middle continent, Xiora, the big continent in the Northwest (that is where the players are) and the middle continent with the eight towers on it. The names of the other continents will be posted as they are created. Also, I will go into greater detail about each continent as the players explore them or there is more spoiler free information.

As for general statements about the world, the world is taught to hate dragons. The mortals of the world feel abandoned and tricked by the dragons after the Dragon War when a large group of dragons forged a war upon the entire world. There weren't any dragons to help the mortals, so the mortals had to fight the war themselves. Even though this war occurred 1,122 years ago and there is no one to remember many things about it, it is still taught to the children that dragons are terrible beasts that should never be trusted.

Obviously this is a fantasy world, and in fantasy worlds, there are fantasy gods that are created for the world. The gods play a big role, and are the driving forces of the mortals within the world. The major ones are:
-Bahamut, god of dragons
-The three sisters, Anu, the sun goddess, Mania, goddess of death, and Freya, goddess of magic.
-Aegis, god of the elements
There are also 5 lesser gods and a number of other gods that are the children of the greater gods on the list but they do not need to be listed out.

For now, that is the general overview of the world. Short but sweet. Obviously, I have left out quite a bit, but there might be players watching and I would rather not ruin it for them ;). I will post a discussion of the characters the players are running in my next post of the world.

Excited...

You know what is interesting is that I really don't know what I want to do with this blog, yet I am still so excited about it. I have a few ideas, but I am just waiting to come to a decision. Publishing material and stories from the Dungeons & Dragons game I run might be one thing. Movie reviews maybe. Book reviews. Videogame reviews. I think it might be a number of things. We will just have to see what it turns out to be.

Ashitaka

Ashitaka
Originally uploaded by WlfSamurai.

The basis for the Wolf Samurai. I have loved anime since I saw my first at the age of 13. Princess Mononoke is one of my favorite animes, and the main character in that movie was Ashitaka, an honorable, trustworthy, and caring man who saves the land from demons and gods. At the time the Princess Mononoke came out, I was starting what ended up being my most favorite and longest running Dungeons & Dragons campaign, The Groven Myth. I decided to create a character based on Ashitaka but not exactly like him. The character that I ended up making and playing turned out to have the same name and beliefs, but looked quite a bit different. He was also a samurai and was from a race called hengeyokai. This race could shape-change into an animal pretty much at will. The animal that Ashitaka could shape-change into was none other than the wolf. I loved and cherished that character so much I started using the name WlfSamurai for many things on the web. And that is how the name came about.

Hmm...

Well this is interesting. I have never even heard about this before and randomly stumbled upon it. Well, I am unsure what exactly I will use this for, but I'm sure I'll think of something.