2...

"What is it that you believe in Master?" Kairi asked bluntly as they were hiking the steep obsidian slope.

"Kairi, like I have asked you before, please don't call me master. I am a master of nothing. Call me Sensei. I can do nothing but teach, and that is what I intend to do," Ashitaka pointed out.

"Sorry Sensei. But what is it that you believe in? What is it that keeps you from removing yourself from a world that has done nothing but work against you?" Kairi rephrased. She knew what she was risking by asking, but Kairi had been wondering since the day that her Sensei's "son" had appeared.

Ashitaka stopped and pondered this for a long moment, staring down at the deep reflective abyss under his feet. Obsidian was strange that way, there seemed to be a thin invisible barrier that always kept you from reaching down into an infinite darkness.

"Sensei, I'm sorry, I spoke without thinking," Kairi quickly corrected. "Forgive—"

"Everyone has their own answer to that question. And everyone must find it for themselves. Some, like myself, might have many answers to that question. At different times in my life the answer has been different things whether I knew it or not. For now I don't have an answer," Ashitaka said plainly and quietly. "You have to find what to believe in for yourself. No one can tell you where to look or how to find it. No one can tell you how long the search will take. It is yours alone to find. Once you do find it, hold on to it with everything you have because the harder it is to find, the easier it is to lose. Come, let me show you what I fought for once." Ashitaka continued up the waxy slope.

Kairi stood, staring at his back, wondering if she could ever be so giving to a world that only took and never gave back. She began to slowly follow, pondering every word Ashitaka had said as if some great treasure was buried behind them. She knew that if her Sensei ever found out how much she looked up to him, he would tell her that he is nothing worth striving for. But Kairi had always disagreed with that. She could see the small child trapped in his heart wanting nothing more than freedom from violence. She knew that Ashitaka would remove himself from the world to wallow in his sins if he was able. What is that keeps him living this way? Where does he draw his strength?

Kairi was so deep in thought that she hadn't noticed they had reached the summit of the volcano. Ashitaka stood at the edge of the great mouth to this—now quiet—battleground. She could see in his body language that he had been here before. He moved slowly with an almost unsure quality about his actions.

"There have been many innocent people that have lost their lives because I was unable to stop whatever might have killed them. For that I have always been hard on myself. But I know that I can't help everyone and I can't stop everything, I am only one man," Ashitaka started. Behind him, Kairi could see Ashitaka clench his fists as he stared out of over this grand opening to hell. "One woman in particular will always stay with me. She died because of my mercy. I had my enemy bested and beaten. I had fought hard on this very ground for everything that my life was until that point. I could have cleansed my enemy's dishonor by giving her death when she deserved it. But I didn't. I took pity on one who knew only lies and deceit. I let her go. I gave her another chance to prove the honor I was so sure she was capable of. She wasn't capable of it. She never has been. She took the life of an innocent woman that day. A woman that was close to my heart in many ways. She spat on my mercy and my forgiveness to take the opportunity to kill...my wife."

Kairi's heart skipped a beat. Wife!?

"And now, all I can do is stand at her grave today and beg that she forgive a weak man for his sins. You see Kairi, when you find it, you hold onto it with everything you have. Even if it costs your life, you fight until the end because you were fortunate enough to find it," said the Wolf Samurai in a weary tone. He then knelt down, picked up some loose dirt, rubbed it between his palms, and let the mountainous breeze take it as if to scatter the ashes of something lost so long ago.

I understand now my Sensei. My Love. You live for your sins. You live to atone for the people you feel you have wronged in some way. I understand it all now, and someday you will figure it out yourself. And I shall be by your side through it all, thought Kairi quietly to herself. She knew that her purpose in this life was now to ease the discomfort of a man who had given everything he had to an ungreatful world. A world that had stripped him of everything including his honor at one point or another. She now knew what she believed in. And she would hold on with everything she had.

Sorry for not posting for so long. Life has been...interesting as of late. I will continue this story, I promise. More to come.